This weekend, I came across 2 years' worth of blog posts from a decade ago. These were printed 'annuals' that I'd created for the sake of the girls, so that they could flick through the photos and accompanying stories, much like an old-fashioned photo album.
A couple of things struck me as I read through them. First, that our lives were very, very active! We did heaps of work-related travel to different parts of Africa. And when we were home, weekends were filled with races, and hikes, and meals with friends, and outings to the theatre, or the botanical gardens, or camping trips. Seriously, it is not surprising that God has had to (metaphorically) sit on me these last 7 years in order to really get my attention. Perhaps that topic will pop up sometime soon in another blog post.
The other thing that struck me was the writing itself, the flavour of it. These days, I wouldn't write things the way I did back then. Some of it was a little cringe-worthy, if I'm honest. Of course, our writing changes and develops over the years, just as we do. But it got me thinking and I became aware that very often, back in those days, when I wrote for my blog I had a particular friend in mind. With the benefit of time and distance, I can now hear in my words - their arrangement, their tone - a desire to impress this friend. I wanted her to read cleverness and wit in my writing, yes, and I wanted her to see my life - a life that was so different to hers and one she would never choose - as successful. Just as successful as the life she had chosen and, if possible, even more fun.
It's shocking that the things we think are so hidden, so subtle, about our behaviour are in fact - with the benefit of hindsight - pretty blatant.
I wish I could say that I have outgrown this need to curate the impression I make on others, to be seen as successful in their eyes. But alas, this is the classic tell of an Enneagram 3. At the least, I hope I am more aware of that tendency and can catch myself in the act, as it were.
Of course, social media can be the nemesis of this sort of bent. It is not the ideal venue for authentic connection, but rather lends itself to trying out all sorts of 'voices' that are not, necessarily, true to who we really are. Our eldest is getting more intentional about her activity on social media and this weekend caught herself as she posted something a friend had suggested, that wasn't a true reflection of who she is, or her values. Even as we had a mother-daughter conversation about communicating from a place of truth and authenticity, I was reminded of those blog posts I would now prefer to delete from the printed anthology.
I wonder if we would post the same things on social media if we knew we'd be revisiting those words in 10 years' time?! Makes you think, doesn't it?
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And for the weekend round-up:
We made the most of our Saturday morning allowance for outdoor exercise, once again grateful that we can walk onto the hillside from our house.
And there were fires ...
On Saturday, we lit the braai and enjoyed the sunshine. On Sunday, it was cool and even rained a little so we opted for whiskey by the fire pit instead.
In between outings and fires, there was baking, Zoom calls, homework, laundry, online church, gardening, reading ...
... and sunsets.
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