I don't know if it's because tomorrow we can actually go out for an hour of exercise (if we stay within municipality boundaries). Somehow there is a very weird dynamic going on for me in the prospect of restrictions being slowly lifted. It reminds me of the process of coming out of a season of about 6 years that felt like wilderness. There had been such a hiddenness to that season, and so much that was hard, yet there had been unexpected treasures too. And I had very mixed feelings when I recognised the signs of the darkness lifting.
I'll blog about that another day. Suffice to say, I should feel elated about hiking up the hill tomorrow morning with Tim, and about having an hour to run. And don't get me wrong, it is absolute gift to get to be outside. But I wouldn't be honest if I didn't also acknowledge these other feelings of ... well, what is it? Anxiety? Loss?
I don't know. But I do know that it's okay to have days that feel a bit bleurgh. And it's okay that we can't make sense of things. It's okay to need space, or to need to talk. We get to embrace what is true about us today and for me, today, I embrace the bluergh.
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