Wednesday 8 April

Day 24. And yes, I admit it, I am writing this on Day 25. You'd think, wouldn't you, that with relatively little to do I could manage to write a blog post once a day? But sometimes, the day is so large in my arms and there is so much to hold, I simply can't hold it and have a hand free to type on my laptop too. You know?

There is this empty-full feeling. On the one hand, there's this feeling of fullness. Full of information, full of options for connection, and full of ideas of ways to engage. Full of push, of deadlines, of necessities. Full of words, so many words. Good words, not so good words, just so very many of them.

On the other hand, I feel a bit wrung out, empty, wondering. Certain things I read make me feel more empty. Every so often a fellow Christian will forward to me something that's being called 'prophecy' and it just leaves me feeling empty. Declarations of doomsday with heavy undertones of the reign of the anti-Christ will do that for you. I've found no amount of hot coffee will fill the space that gets emptied out.

So I feel a need to be emptied and a concurrent need to be filled. I need emptying of meaningless blah. The words that seek to fill space just because they can. The soapboxing and the headline-making, the scaremongering and the conspiracy theorising. Oh God, empty me of all that static on the airwaves that makes me feel turgid with other people's opinions.

And I need to be filled. Filled up with hope, with vision, with the fullness of a child who has been nursed by her mother and is at peace. I need to be filled up with truth that never changes, and a deep knowledge of goodness that won't fail me. Won't fail any of us.

If my arms are going to be full then this is what I want to be found holding. The largeness of an inner knowing that God will meet his people exactly where he finds us. In all our wondering, and posturing, and all the ways we try to save ourselves. He meets us there and becomes hope to us. And there are no words for that so maybe, just for once, we should stop trying to pretend there are.