I think this is precisely the approach I will take to this blog post ...
This morning I woke before 5am to thunder, lightning and torrential rain. As the sound of the storm receded, the tide of muddled thoughts swept in. At this time in the morning, I can get some of my most significant ideas. I can also lie wide awake yet paralysed by the onslaught of mindless minutiae, as was the case this morning. I remember wondering whether to get up and let the dogs inside from their kennel, thinking they'd be freaked out and possibly damp. As it turns out, I was more freaked out by the idea of getting out of bed in the cold. It's hard for me to turn on the compassion switch at that time in the morning, ask my kids.
Tim, bless him, clearly saw the state of me when we got up at 6:45 and followed his normal delivery of a cup of tea with another, of strong black coffee. My hero. The caffeine shot and general encouragement helped me drag on my workout clothes in order to get into this morning's abs and cardio routine. The storm had thrown out the Internet and I ended up using my phone to stream the workout. It's a good job I am familiar with the workout, because that little phone screen seems to get smaller by the day.
I'm grateful for hot showers, for family breakfast at the kitchen island with a liturgy from Every Moment Holy and a psalm. Seriously, if I ever feel bad about mood swings, I think of the psalmist - talk about all four seasons in one day. I'm also grateful for school routine, and enough rooms in the house that we can each be in a different one when we prefer (or need to focus). Imagine being in a one-room home, or being in lockdown with people you don't like. Or are afraid of.
YWAMers are like viruses - to use a current metaphor - they seem to breed and suddenly pop up in places you hadn't imagined (sorry, that may be insensitive but the idea of morning pages is that you just allow whatever you put on the page to, well, stay there uncensored). Today I heard that we have a team that has been pioneering in a nearby town since January and one of the team members was just admitted to a hospital in Malaga with Covid. I called her - I had to, she's only a bit older than Keziah and she's in a foreign country, sick (trust me, it's horrible being sick when you are far from home), and unable to see anyone familiar. That is one heck of a tough call. She sounded okay but it must be far from easy.
I had a meeting about the leadership course we hope to run from the end of September for 6 weeks. It's hard to feel totally engaged, honestly, when there is a possibility that even then travel will be disrupted. It's hard to feel that anything can be banked on right now. I find myself wondering about that and the training in spiritual direction that follows at the end of November. Will we end up finding ways to offer content and processing online? I can see that the limitations of the pandemic have already resulted in a lot of creativity in training solutions and online learning communities. And while I don't relish the idea of any further cancellations, I think we'll reap the benefits of that creativity for a long time to come.
I walked the dog at my usual time. Invariably as it approaches 6pm my motivation for getting out is waning but as soon as I get out of the front door, I am grateful. There's another world out there! Today, for the first time in a month, I allowed the dog to have a run off the leash. Somehow I was worried about the possibility of depression setting in if the dogs don't get to run more. There is the possibility that this was both anthropomorphism and transference.
I got back to the house as Tim was finishing a workout. I handed him the leash and he headed out with the other dog (thank God for two dogs - never thought I'd say that). Keziah snuggled in a blanket on my bed and we watched a movie. I can't even remember the title, it was some Hallmark claptrap but Kez needed the mom-time. The most memorable thought I had as I watched it was that I really must go through my wardrobe and smarten things up a bit. Allowing things to slide into middle-aged dowdiness is a very real fear of mine, don't laugh.
Manu had us in fits of laughter this evening, the kid is so funny and is developing the fine art of dead pan humour, that leaves everyone in the room except for her gasping for breath and holding their sides. Can't believe she's 12 on Sunday and am really hoping her birthday gifts get delivered on time. I asked her what would make her birthday special: being allowed to sleep late, then eating nice food, was apparently all that came to mind. I suggested a Zoom call with friends or cousins and she retorted that Zoom calls are a real energy drain. I know how you feel, I thought.
Well, Tim just turned the dishwasher on. At the first sound of the water running into the machine, the dogs lifted their heads from their paws and trotted off to be let outside to the kennel. I guess that means it's bedtime. Day 31 of lockdown can be checked off the list.
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