I have just returned to the world of social media after a hiatus of three weeks. No, it wasn’t that I carefully planned to take a break; I wasn’t really being intentional or trying to #livelifeonpurpose. It just all became too much.
I don’t know if you can relate. In my case, it could be that several weeks filled with consecutive yet brief face-to-face encounters, followed by a return to a context I find particularly lonely, simply made the superficial nature of social media connection especially unfulfilling. I do love my online community, it’s just that all of a sudden it wasn’t enough.
Putting a large chunk of myself into a piece of writing, only to get the odd ‘like’ seemed dispiriting. Bolstering other people’s engagement in living a healthy lifestyle with a positive video message, then not receiving any feedback, made my efforts seem insignificant. Finding myself in a place of struggle, and being unseen despite all my connectedness, made those connections seem inauthentic.
In any case, I’m guessing we all have days when the world of social media makes us feel more lonely, not less. I doubt I’m the only one who aches for real connection in a community of reciprocal relationships. We are hardwired for this, always have been. Our 21st Century world is simply our generation’s particular environment for figuring out what community and belonging look like. And it turns out we still have a lot to learn.
Hold that thought ...
In spite of the fact that my social media fast wasn’t planned, I did benefit from this period of disconnection in some specific ways. I thought that by sharing three of these lessons, I might encourage the braver ones among you to try a time of abstinence!
1. I learned to be exactly where I am.
It was hard for me to return to Spain, to face the challenges of life here after 2 months away. In order to do that well, to truly enter into this space, I needed to actually be here - not just physically but also emotionally. Rather than distracting myself from the discomfort of this reality, I needed to be fully present here; aware of my discombobulation and allowing myself to respond to it, to reflect on what is difficult and why. It is easier (way easier!) to distract myself, but when I do that there is no room for growth. Here is where I am: if any growth is going to happen it has to be right here.
2. I learned to let things get real quiet.
My life in Spain is very quiet. It is relationally dry and although there are seasons of busyness - during a retreat or a residential program - there are periods when nearly all my interactions are with my immediate family. My temptation is to fill this space with noise: podcasts, music, audio books, news … But there is something that happens in the quiet that can only happen in the quiet. My soul gets to settle. What is true about me rises to the surface. My deepest desires can finally be heard. I can surrender to these truths and to the One who meets me in this true place.
3. I learned to enter into a place of stillness.
My ego wants a sense of perpetual movement. The achiever in me wants to feel as though I am making progress, I am moving forwards, I am making things happen. I fill my life with activity in order to generate this sense of advancement. A ‘like’ on Facebook or a ‘share’ of a blog post, these things stroke my ego and allow me to remain in this place of false comfort. By deliberately detaching myself from these ego-strokes, I have to face hard truths that are nevertheless kind. I am not the centre of my universe. Life does indeed go on without me. Other do not need me to make good things happen for them. My sense of advancement may in fact be a mirage, an invisibility cloak for my false self that is now revealed in all its naked posturing.
It may not sound like much, learning to be still, to be quiet, and to be where I am. Yet these small inner movements really do seem to be where the real action of our lives takes place.
So next time you wonder if it’s time to disconnect momentarily from the whirlwind of life online, it could be that you’re hearing an invitation to listen more closely to what is most true about your life in this season … perhaps there’s something waiting to be heard that can only make itself known in the stillness.
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